Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oakland Half Marathon & Depression

Race morning and it's a little on the cold side #oaklandmarathon
Since I cant hide behind my aching calves forever I will admit that this weekend I walk/ran the Oakland Half marathon. It sucked. Reason being that it sucked so much is because I don't even know the last time I ran before this. As you might have noticed I haven't posted in over a week. I've been sitting at the edge of the depression volcano getting ready to surrender myself and be consumed be the darkness.
This isn't the first time, but to all in bloggy land it was the first time I went to the doctor and told him I really needed to do something about it. Usually staying active keeps me normal, but I was at the point that I didn't have it in me to get out off the couch to do ANYTHING. Just admitting everything to the doctor was the biggest load off my shoulders. 
So things are getting better, but now my legs hurt because of my lack of training.
As for the entire 13.1 miles, well.... It was ok. Nothing great. Was in pain most of the time, the finish was blah, but the last 4 miles was pretty scenic. To be honest the whole time I was out there I could only think of the 26.2 miles I have to run May 1st for the Big Sur Marathon. I don't think I will survive.


my best friend jules said...

I admire your courage to talk about this here publicly! Not everyone could do it. But I think it helps to get it out in the open! I'm a bit prone to depression as well, and to me the greatest remedy of all is to talk about it. And I do, it makes me realise that it's not all that bad and there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Hang in there darling girl! I'm sending lots of light and warm thoughts your way!

xox mervi

ps. I couldn't even walk a marathon ;)

CreationsbyJune said...

I so understand what you are going thru...been there done that! I remember just waiting for the meds to kick in and kept reminding myself that this too would pass. I finally figured I was getting better when I could mock the depression med commercials on tv. As far as running, did a 1/2 last year and had really wanted to run but do to lack of training walked most of it. Then it was wonderful plantar fascitis... so I could only walk 10K of the Honolulu marathon, now it back in training and trying again. the way I figure, as long as you are moving forward, it's an accomplishment. So many folks will not even take the chance and are afraid to try. So hang in there! It gets better!!

Nome & Tya said...

We've all been there in some form or another, especially as moms and military wives. It is a DIFFICULT mixture for many of us, but I'm happy you are talking to someone and hope that it is helpful for you! Thinking of you!

Amy at Ameroonie Designs said...

Thank you beautiful lady for sharing such difficult things with the rest of us. It is what allows us as women to reach out and lift each other. Who knows but that your willingness to open up and share will be the turning point in the life of someone else. Hang in there- we are all here to help lift you up. :)

d said...

I am all for a nice combo of honesty, effort, and doctors. I think that is how I actually enjoy my role of being a mom/wife/person instead of just surviving it. Keep on keeping, you are doing great and I know that in my life there are good times and bad times.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling down... although I do know what you mean about being unmotivated to get out and train. I've been forcing myself but I am just not feeling it these days. I'm also terrified about the Big Sur Marathon, I feel like I'm so unprepared for it. I guess some serious walking will happen that day.... oh well. *sigh*
But regarding all else, know that you have a loyal group of supporters out here in the interwebs... as I'm sure you do in real life. And you're not alone.

Taff said...

I love your blog. Depression and anxiety can get really hard at times, but hang in there. Things always get better and we always come out stronger and more able to take on hard times in the future.

You are a great example of a strong woman.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us :)

Meredith said...

holy moly. I'm impressed you even attempted a marathon. i have a 5k coming up and i'm peeing my pants. ps: i live real close to Oakland. cool! :)

Brittney said...

bah, training's overrated, anyway. i admire you for recognizing the signs & symptoms and getting the help you need...and then running the dang thing anyway. my SIL ran big sur a year or two ago. she said it was the most beautiful marathon ever. it's now on my bucket list.
good luck. hang in there. you AND your aching calves.

Della said...

That sucks! I really hope you find what you need to do to feel more you...perhaps we should buy you a library? :)

I just came over to your blog via Yours, Mine, and Ours. I love your previous outfits!

Anonymous said...

I really really hope things look brighter for you in no time! Staying busy always helps, but I know how it feels when you reach the point of breakdown, I admire you for even joining the marathon, something I'd never do! Hope you have a wonderful week!

Cess O. <3
The Outfit Diaries

Hell Notes for Beauty™ said...

Oh my I can only imagine how your legs must feel..... Stay positive sometimes we need those dark moments to help us realize what brighter and better days are worth. Keep yourself motivated and all will manifest for you.... Hope you feel better take care.

the Alton clan said...

First time to your blog and I must say...don't be too hard on yourself. I have gone the depression route myself and the hardest part was having to admit I needed help, but it was also sooo liberating. As you can see, and will continue to find out, you are not alone on this and talking about it helps a lot. Your a good mommy for that. And for running, good job! That takes courage, effort, and determination to just get out and try...from there it's downhill right:) I'm impressed! -a fellow mom in UT

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